Friday, 2 March 2012

Pincer Attack

I've fired some moths at enemy lines and now it's time for another salvo from Ken Clegg yo combat the evil forces of Derk. Ken tried to make amends for his biscuit faux pas the other day by bringing round a conciliatory packet of digestive biscuits. Unfortunately they didn't have any chocolate on them - I didn't want to mention it at the time Ken but my wife was sorely offended, if you don't turn up with a box of Milk Tray next time she's liable to beat you to death with a frying pan (apologies to any relatives of people who have been beaten to death with a frying pan - that last quip was in bad taste but then again....not as bad taste as the nobirds blog! Boom Boom!) Here's a pic of a flock of Hawfinches Ken took in my back garden in Newcastle Co. Down on Tuesday - I was going to mention this but I decided to suppress it instead.

Anyway, I've started my master plan on total world gull extermination by breaking into local chemists and nicking as many boxes of contraceptive pills as I can. I've got about a quarter of a ton of the shit that I'm gonna dump into all the major harbours of Ireland like Killybegs, Kilkeel and Aughnacloy, each dose wrapped up in an irresistible slice of Veda bread. I can't wait to see Derk's face when there's no 1st winter gulls to look at later on in the year. But what about all the Glaucous, Iceland, Thayer's and Kumlien's first winter gulls that might turn up I hear you say? Easy:
1. They're all the same bloody gull
2. I'm going to shoot them before they reach shore