Dear Comrades of all hues and preferences!
Anyone who has come into contact with either my Turkish Overcoat or Swiss Socks will testify my reluctance to expose my past comes not through a certain shyness or coy deception, but simply because I’ve forgotten most of it due to drink and have no desire to clog my brain with irrelevant details that may cloud the issue at hand.
However, I find It pertinent to state that at the age of two, l was to be found, Innocent but aware, in the arms of another, basking under a Donegal sun, gaining a taste for the touch of skin and rain that has never left me.
When, at a much later age, I decided to make Ahoghill my base, little did I realise that the grey colours which surround this metropolis would rarely make way for the glorious blue and yellow that had inspired me to write my first poem, published in Ulster Scots, but would sullenly hang around, providing sanctuary for pseudo Intellectual nobirders, cavemen, rock musicians and joyless narrow boned specimens to pollute the sweet air with cynicism, beer and some very dull ludo playing.
Obviously, there is a certain section who run against this rule and with those in mind, I have decided, oh my fair children of translucent eyes and large fat ankles, to disappear into ancient European ruins, to experience once more the exhilarating minds of my friends Plato, Da Vinci and Ciccolina, and plot the eventual destruction of open toed sandals.
The only one who will know of my fortunes is a Spanish princess Donna Qouixute who i recently met and who has agreed to accompany me on my travels once she has finished her stint as a crooked card dealer.But mind don’t bother trying to tail her, as she once worked for the Derrynoose Secret Service and is used to such attentions.
She is bound to secrecy and will not let any secrets or sighs into the open air, only in my presence, and, as time draws close to our departure, let me just say this: we may meet again, we may not, but as always, keep constant In your thoughts that the future is simply an invisible jigsaw for which you, and you alone, can supply the pieces to make up the full picture. And now, without further adew, let me offer you smiles, no tears, and an affectionate kiss to your tender soul.