Wednesday, 10 October 2012

He'll get there eventually

Derk still has time to reform. Once he realises that trying to see every bird in Ireland costs about a billion yoyos a year and if you keep splitting gulls sooner or later you end up looking at Kumlien's 'type' chickens he'll come round.
It's not his fault - he just hasn't matured enough to start looking at moths.  That's not without saying it won't be hard though - standard procedures apply. We either give him the time to come to terms with his personality defects on his own or we bundle him into the boot of a lime green Cortina, roll him up in a carpet and kick him down a supermarket aisle (most supermarket owners are understanding enough to let this happen).
It stands to reason - how many species of birds do you see in a day? How many in year? Kind of boring isn't it? It's all for Derk's own good - leave it with me and I'll subject him to as many forms of torture that I can think of - water-boarding, reciting every nobirds report from start to finish and playing Hugo Duncan's latest CD on infinity loop. To start him off slowly I'm going to show him images of gulls, punch him in the goolies and alternately show him this image of a Green Brindled Crescent and feed him ice-cream. I'm not promising anything.



Anyway, I'm drinking cider and listening to music from my teenage years in the 1960's when my underpants were paisley-patterned, Jimmy Saville was questionable and expensive things cost 10p. Not much has changed.