Monday, 22 October 2012

Why? Bloody Why?

That's what I say to myself when I open my biscuit barrel. How does Ken Clegg manage to get his hands on them? He's like the Great Soprendo. What's worse is that being an International Biscuit Collector, currently at number 3 in the Western Pal. rankings afterPhilip Schofield and Jimmy Tarbuck, he doesn't even eat them. I spend a bloody fortune, most of my wages, on Mint Viscounts, Garibaldi's and Oreo's only for Ken to spirit them away to his gold-plated bungalow in Gortin and pin them in collection boxes. He's worth a bloody fortune, when he's not sticking his nose into my biscuit barrel he's away jetting off to Papua New Guinea looking for new species of Caramel Wafers. The cheek of it. I got my own back though as these Bearded Tits fell out of his pocket on his last raid. They're mine now - I feed them on Chaffinches.

Here's some music to steal biscuits to. And probably one of Stephen Maxwell's favourite album, hold on a minute - one of Jimmy Saviles favourites.