Thursday, 18 December 2014

Shock Moth News

Anybody reading this will probably wish I just bog off like a good little hybrid. So, here we go again - The Cosmopolitan Moth Leucania loreyi trapped this morning, first record for Northern Ireland.

A pitiful photo but then it's better than any of Derk the Berk's recent photos e.g. there are none. Right in the middle of plastic-bag-seagull season and with dubious flocculating quacks for insane smelly people to look at and there isn't a peep out of him? Do you know why? It's because he doesn't live in this country anymore, he's a Belgian.

Anyway I'm away out to celebrate, stick on a bit of slap, my size 12 high heels and hit the town for advocaat spritzers. See you later girlfriends.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

radio nibirding

Ring-necked tufted ducks floating on poo ponds is about as good as it gets if you restrict yourself to birds, like a big smelly cheesy wotsit I'm guessing. There's plenty of other interesting flora and fauna out there if you take the time to ingest it - I ate a strange glowing mushroom what seemed like 3 weeks ago this morning and it was all exactly like this this

Monday, 15 December 2014

radio nibirding

got a postcard from Derek today, which is odd as it says he's living in Bryansford only 3 miles up the road from me. I hope he isn't in another of his 'stalking Andrew' modes again. You would have thought the kicking I gave him the last time would have warned him off but now I'm worried it might have encouraged him. Still, if I play Stereolab at him it acts like a dog whistle in reverse.

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

radio nibirding

and a Polly Jean Harvey in a Pear Tree?

Thursday, 4 December 2014

Late in the year..............

........but still plenty of time for moth-trapping.

Crocidosema plebejana taken this morning at Murlough NNR - 1st record for Northern Ireland. Another case of 'Get in there!'

Now, many of you may be wondering why this moth is dead - this has got nothing to do with me. It travelled here from many thousands of miles away in search of a Not Interesting Boring Association Pyramid Scheme Bird Report. He'd been paying a tenner a year for the last 6 years, sucking in every lie the Larry McGarry's were feeding him. Being a micro moth with a teeny weeny brain he was easily taken in and took what Captain Stinko (Human Excrement Reservoir Specialist) said in good faith. When he made contact to tell them he was coming to Northern Ireland to collect his outstanding bird reports they emailed back with a simple '£10' reply as usual - yet he still refused to think badly of what on the outside seemed like good missionary-type folk. A simple google search of 'evilnobirdsmoneystealingmcgarrys' would have saved all that effort. I found him languishing in the corner of my moth trap this morning, I was initially alerted by the sobbing sounds underneath a battery hen eggbox and asked what the matter was. He (I later found out that his name was Jimmy Bird, which is an odd name for a moth) explained that, after a long and difficult journey, he had arrived in our noble country (known the world over for its Veda bread invented in England) to seek out the famous Worshipful Masters of the McGarry. He had the extra money they requested and required only a copy of their legendary report. I tried to break it to him gently and explained that their report was indeed legendary - it did not exist. I tried to console him with tales of how Derk the Berk (who now lives in Scotland) provides 5 years worth of bird reports for free (minus all the shit bits). After a short period of vacant reflection he topped himself. I have never told a lie in my life and I'm not about to start now.

We could have talked it through, had a rational conversation, gathered up some rudimentary weapons like armalites and rpgs (the common or garden everyday stuff you find lying about in fields around here) and assaulted the evil nobirds fortress (which is shaped like a giant wood duck). With some proper planning we could have mustered several hundred peasants with pitchforks to throw themselves mercilessly upon the unchanged swathes of irrelevant text concerning common and breeding resident birds, allowing us to exploit an opening between the disingenuous photocredits attributed to obviously shite pics, to quickly wade through the wide plains of non-existent references. Most of the evil nobirds would surrender quickly (being utter coward yellow-belly maker-uppers) and spill the beans on all the other divs - harry, barry, larry, garry (the funny one) and Capt. Stinko. Five elderly men, with the combined personality attributes of a bag of soggy humous crossed with a jar of hernias, would be tried, swiftly duffed up, given wedgies and exiled to the ToysRus bargain bucket section. Jimmy could get his tenner back, fly back home and Northern Ireland would be clean again. Alas I never got to tell him snf. snf. Selfish git.

Here's a golden-oldie xmas tune. five sweaty fingers on the dashboard

Monday, 1 December 2014

Northern Ireland Environmental Apocalypse

Time to emigrate from NI before the shit hits the fan - Derk has already done a runner down south. Dust off your Tonka blunderbusses and let's rise up and deprive the bourgeois Nobirds of all the cash raised during their evil Membership Pyramid Scheme Dictatorship. Old bird reports won't feed my children!!

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Radio Nibirding - where is Derk?

I'll tell you where he is  - he's moved to the Republic of Ireland.

Monday, 10 November 2014

Lego Derk

radio nibirding

this is much better....kill all the lego people!!!

boring old moth news

ho hum, aren't moths rubbish? I much prefer punishing myself by walking around looking for non-existant migrant birds in Northern Ireland. No, actually that would be Derk. Poor, poor Derk and his multifarious attempts to break into the record industry. From his childhood days as a human footstool for Philomena Begley, through his formative years as Daniel O'Donnells ashtray all Derk has ever dreamed of  is becoming a irish-traditional-prog-rock-new-romantic-yodelling star. no surprises he's got nowhere with that but he's persistent, I'll give him that

here's some crap moths from ages ago that keep jumping into my moth-trap and one other that's a 1st for Northern Ireland but who cares about that? that's for dweebs.

Rusty-dot Pearl

Silver Y


rush veneer

Spolodea recurvalis...., nice one

Here's a very political song sung by lego people - we are all lego people now.

Friday, 31 October 2014

A Nobirds Hallowe'en Special

A Nobirds Hallowe’en Special


Act IV Scene I

 Setting the scene where senior Nobirder Gustav McGarry is by a misty lighthouse, blaring car horn while a haunted dog is chasing sheep and disturbing wildlife for hours.....

Double, double toil and trouble;

Nobirds Reports burn and bubble

In the cauldron, black as night

Like the McGarrys, not too bright.

Round about the cauldron go;

In the made-up records throw –

Honey Buzzard, in bad weather,

No clear view of shape, nor feather;

Adder’s fork, blind-birder’s sting,

Dead Spoonbill and Tawny Owl’s wing –

In the cauldron boil and bake

All those records we know are fake!

Eye of newt and ‘Possible Tit’;

Gaul of goat’s cheese, just a bit,

Double trouble, bubble and boil

Legs of Marsh Sand from the Quoile;

Tail of fox from the reserve -

Bio-crap will not conserve

Such killers let out on the loose.

Throw in photo of Inch Snow Goose;

Make the gruel thick and slab,

All things Nobirds, dull and drab;

Stir in Flapline , make it coarse;

Hoof and hat of Pantymime Horse.

Larry, Garry, Barry, Harry;

Witches of occult, McGarry –

Stir into this hell-broth bunny,

Bat and rats that take your money;

Leave out AGMs and meetings

Lest they spoil their trick and treating

The nation to a proper schooling –

But it’s not all of us they’re fooling!

Webs of lies, a phantom Black Duck,

Nobody really gives a hoot!

Double, double toil and trouble;

‘Tis best to leave them in their bubble.



Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Yelloe Legged Gulls!

 It didnt take long for Nobirds to report another non existent bird, this time the Honey Buzzard on the north coast, the less said about this sad episode the better, suffice to say we all have Buzzard on our year lists so no need to travel!! Why dont Nobirds just ask the people who report this, this particular one would have been sorted in one minute. Here are some real birds, first winter Yellow Legged Gulls, boring arent they!!

Monday, 20 October 2014

American Golden Plover and Pied Flycatcher

 A few shots of the juvenile American Golden Plover that was at Myroe last Thursday and very nice it was too! A fem / imm Pied Flycatcher was at Kearney on Saturday morning

Thursday, 16 October 2014

I can't sleep for the noise the Bitterns are making on my roof.
Can you please tell me who I should report this to.

Marsh Sanpiper and Stuff

Just what is going on at Team Nobirds? I think we can all agree that they hit a new low of desperation with the reporting on 6th October and i quote "There was an unconfirmed report of an adult Marsh Sandpiper at the Quoile today at 12.45 today" Just what the hell does that mean?? Who reported this to them? Was it reported to them? Why is it an unconfirmed report? Why dont they come clean and tell us all about this sorry mess? In NI if someone is competent enough to identify a Marsh Sandpiper nevermind an "adult" Marsh Sandpiper they generally tell someone ie Nobirds, Flapline, Irishbiridng, Birdguides or someone who would put the news out. The fact that Nobirds reported an adult Marsh Sandpiper you would think that someone has reported it to them, you would think. My sources close to Nobirds tell me this isnt the case. It seems that someone wrote a message on the sightings board at the Qouile "Adult Marsh Sandpiper" but that it wasnt signed. It appears some nosey neb who hasnt the brains he was born with then contacted Nobirds and Nobirds decided to go viral, tossers. This is up there with their other  classics and brings into question the organisation and the people in the organisation. Well we all know the organisation doesnt exist it is one power mad gentleman clinging on glory hunting. They must know that an adult Marsh Sandpiper would attract a lot of attention both North and South and i spent two days fielding calls, texts and emails asking about this. I replied exactly the same way to each message and Nobirds and the individuals involved who have been a standing joke for a long time and have just upped their status to "Wanker Clowns" This report should have never got near the airwaves but with Nobirds anything is possible!! They are now reporting unsubstantiated reports written on bits of paper with no names on them, sad and extremely desperate. I think we have all enjoyed their run this month, the ringed Med Gull which moves around Belfast Lough a lot is pure genius (it originally came from the Med, surprise surprise) it would be great to see a bird photo, any bird photo from the Copeland Islands that isnt ringed and in the hand, come on Nobirds make a stand, dont be so bloody wooly Liberal, reporting an escaped Blue Morph Snow Goose shows their class and genius again and the little piece about the RSPB Reserve in Belfast was so girly it was unbelievable. We have no problem in saying that this year at the Reserve has been a complete and utter disaster to the RSPB in Northern Ireland, i think its been closed ten months and things are not moving at a pace, they are moving at a snails pace. The sooner its finished, cafe open, usable toliets, windows you can see out of, open Sundays the better for birders and the RSPB all round. I am sure the brown tongued and brown nosed hierachy at Nobirds will get invited to the opening!! Funny how none of them turned up when the RSPB were looking ideas for hides etc, too much like hard work. Still using other birders sightings under the Birdguides name, how lazy and arrogant
I think we should have a sweep, the next Nobirds report of a non existent bird, there are plenty to choose from those guys could come up with anything

Here is a nice photo of a Great Shearwater taken last week

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Holiday snaps

Long Billed Dowitcher and Laughing Gull what a great holiday that was, think i need another holiday!


 Here are a few pictures of a Great Shearwater or as Nobirds would call it a "probable" Great Shearwater. Why have they sstopped educating us! Did anyone see their Marsh Sandpiper? Gave me one of my best giggles, ever and by goodness they have gived us a few over the past few years. As a birder in the south said to me when he got the big news from Nobirds Hierachy "is their **** a Marsh Sandpiper at the Quoile" and he doesnt even live in NI!! Well done guys for giving everyone aa big all Ireland laugh, maybe in prepartion for their new report? Who knows!!

Friday, 3 October 2014

Dont forget to watch!!

Andrew is on tonite, Lesser Spotted Ulster, the only titbit ive been given is that Andrew tells Joe that a member of the Nobirds elite once got arrested for impersonating a cheeseboard, sounds like good Telly! A few more snaps of the aptly named White Rumped Sandpiper!

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Deadly Duo

Ian Dickey and Stephen Maxwell shouldnt be allowed out with camera's, look what happened when they did. The first 4 photos are Ians and the bottom 3 are Stephens. Marsh Harriers appear to be everywhere at the moment, check all marshy areas carefully especially the Quoile, two of them there apparently! These photos must be up there with the best photos ever taken of Marsh Harrier in Northern Ireland

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

He is on the Telly!

Dont be arranging to go out on Friday night, sit in instead, get yourself a chinker and a bottle of bucky and watch Andrew Crory on the telly!! Yes its true!! The legend that is Joe McMahan interviews Andrew for Lesser Spotted Ulster!! Joe this week is doing an in depth special on the Nobirds Phenonomen and talks at length on how they got their name and some of the much loved characters like Larry McGarry and his well pressed trousers and the funster that is Gary McGarry and apparently there is footage of him doing that funny thing he does, we cant wait! There is also live footage of wee Joe ringing flapline and Andrew tells me that Joe actually feints when he hears there is an adult female Marsh Harrier at the Qouile backed up with a possible Long Tailed Tit in Co.Armagh (yes that last one was on flapline this year, it was a classic!) come who wouldnt feint! Andrew also tells Joe that it was himself who set up the Nobirds Blog and all the links etc but does admit that wasnt his finest moment! Andrew and Joe also pour over the recent Nobirds Bird Report but this scene may be cut in the ffinal edit as it is 0.05 seconds long and doesnt involve an actual report. Near the end Joe also finds a very large safe marked Nobirds Money, where all the tenners are kept and Andrew uses some Alcamy he learnt while on remand at Ballykinler and when they blast it open they find its completely empty and there is a classic moment where Joe just gasps "where has all the money gone?"  The final scene Andrew shows Joe the Great White Egret ssitting on his moth trap while a Franklins Gull flys over, pure class!! So Friday night after Corrie tune to ITV to watch Andrew and wee Joe catch flys with their tongues.
Here are a few Lesser Spotted Woodpecker photos

Monday, 29 September 2014

Education is what you need!

 Roy Castles famously sang "eduction is what you need" and Nobirds famous mantra is "we are here to educate you" so we decided to go down to the Quoile and see the Nobirds adult female Marsh Harrier and educate ourselves. Firstly we took the Nobirds advice and called at the Quoile Centre for a key to the hide!! First bit of education, the Quoile Centre was closed!! Brilliant, well done Nobirds!! But not deterred we went on and luckily a man with a key let us in!! Thank you that man, but how did you get that key!!! The Nobirds "adult female Marsh Harrier" wasnt there but had been replaced in the exact same spot by a juvenile Marsh Harrier!! Cue Nobirds red faces, they even sent some of their top men on this mission!! What are the chances of two Marsh Harriers being in the same spot, one only seen by Nobirds (an adult female) and one seen by non Nobirders!! (a juvenile)Not a lot i would say!! We went home without a cup of tea!! (long story!!) No sign of the reported Franklins Gull or Great White Egret, come on Andrew where are the photos!