Thursday, 29 May 2014

Andrew has a fake beard

I don't like Country Music apart from the 2 Masters of the stage Hugo Duncan and Daniel O'Donnell, Philomena Begley can carry a tune as well.I don't care much for those yank CnW fraudsters, sticking on a big hat and singing about dying doesn't really cut it. Andrews dream is to be a County and Western Star, i know this to be true, Leonard told me.
My run of dipping continues with no sign of Nobirds Hobby or Garganey. I do have two different moths in the house, i dont know what they are but i am sure they are not rare as i live in Lurgan.
And it is true Andrews beard is a fake, he cant grow one himself but he cant tell Jools as thats the only thing she likes aabout him. I dont like his beard or the rest of him.
Here are some great photos by Mervyn Campbell
Anyone else notice how bad Nobirds blog has become since we have hit the slow button?

Don't forget our new 2012 BIRD REPORT, we also have 2011 and 2009-2010 report s all free just contact us

radio nibirding

Tuesday, 27 May 2014


Hello to all you ladies and waterbears. Dereks album bombed but I was talking to him and he remains undeterred. I  was telling him to persevere as he's bound to hit the big time someday

Here is todays list of birds.................

 Small Angle Shades - several coming to my feeders

Treble Lines - just after having a wash in the birdbath

Seems to prefer black niger seeds and One Direction played backwards

Possibly the most common moth at my fat balls

 Fox moth - an alcoholic. 2 parts grenadine, 3 parts gin, 4 parts gravy granules

 Brimstone - meth addict

Small Phoenix - prog rock guru

 Common Cockchafer  - does what it says on the tin

Green carpet - aren't birds great?

Scorched Carpet - oooh, suits you sir!

And let's finish with Poplar Hawkwind moth....

and as the perfect segue................ (unless you're mental)  this........

Other trash bird news were a pair of garganey at portmore (co. antrim), a hobby at montiaghs (co. antrim) and a marsh harrier at lough cowey (co. down).  none of these were moths so they are dross but it's ok as I stole them from nobirds via a proxy. I like to call them the Knobirds.

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Monday, 26 May 2014

Nibirding News Monday something or other

No much happening here as usual - Derek has thrown in the towel and has skipped off into the sunset to fulfill his lifelong ambition and record his country and western album with his band 'The Dirty Clarts'.

I've managed to get a sneak preview and can tell you it's pretty awful - here's the track listing, released on audio cassette.

Side 1
1. Keep your high hand low
2. Would ye tackle thon, Cecil?
3. Me clackers are knackered
4. She's a big girl, so she is

Side 2

1. Mouldin' up the purdahs
2. I like sheep
3. Say nothing till ye hear more
4. She's my cousin but she sure is pretty

Working title for the album is 'If ye keep stroking it, it might fall off'

Say what you like about country music but if it originates in Northern Ireland it's crap.

Marsh Fritillaries were on the wing today at Murlough per William Crory aged 3 years and 1 week

Is there any point in reporting Cuckoos at Murlough? No.

Bird News highlights were the appearance of a Silver-laced Wyandotte and two Welsummer bantams at an undisclosed location. The Osprey was still at Corbett Lough

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Thursday, 22 May 2014

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Bird Report

The 300th copy of the 2012 Nibirding Bird Report was sent today, we want to beat the 812 copys of the 2011 report. Send email to if you want a free copy.

Great job on the report guys.

As I said before, that is how it should be done.

"NOBIRDS" Spend some money and do it!

Sunday, 18 May 2014

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Northern Ireland Bird Report 2012

The NIBIRDING Bird Report 2012 is now available.  It features the rare and scarce bird report, NIBird List, features sections, photos, humour and a lot less! Contact myself or Andrew for your free copy.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014


Andrew watches Hollyoaks, inc first look Hollyoaks on E4 and the Sunday Omnibus edition, how completely sick and immoral is that? Majella probably peeks at Hollyoaks as well, I don't know as I never sit in the same room. Still no bird report between the two of them. Shameful

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

NIBirding Stardate 13th May

No word on the reeport from Andrew or Majella, they are a right pair of liars full of false promises and mascarra, the both of them!
I have suspected for a long time that Ian Dickey wore pink lycra underpants and the two photos below that Ian has sent has kind of proved that. Ian also tells me he is getting impatient waiting on the report.
Bird News... not much

Saturday, 10 May 2014

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Who needs a 2012 bird report. Just look at the bird reports for the last zillion years and they are all the same except for Derk stringing funny seagulls and bringing back rare birds from his exotic holidays at Castle Espie and Edinburgh Zoo.

Friday, 9 May 2014

radio nibirding

Yo keep out of it Ciderboss! Unless you have the 2012 Bird Report ready!
Bird News? How can you give a damn about bird news when there are double repeats of Two and a half Men and a quarter final of Masterchef on the Telly tonite. Majella says she will knock the bird Report up over the weekend.
Andrew hasnt found a new moth for Murlough this year he is now spending all his time dissecting Moths do das in the vain hope of a new species, how sick is that?

Thursday, 8 May 2014

radio nibirding

We think it is time someone started taking their medication.

The lunatics have taken over the asylum!

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

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Carta de Derek

Hola Andrés,
Estoy en Aughlisnafin. Es un pueblo muy hermoso. La gente estan bien cuando ellos no dan patadas mí como una mula o . Pienso que eres un idiota completo y en el momento de la revolución primero contra la pared.

¿Y los McGarrios? La meurte está bien para los perros que disfrutan del aburrimiento. Meurte para Barrio McGarrio. Meurte para Sancho McGarrio. Muerte para Don Cabrales McGarrio ye todos los enemigos de la verdad. Y Sr. Eduardo Carretilla también - el Bimbero más famoso en el país. ¿Dónde está el informe de aves para Irlanda del Norte? ¿Qué pasa? Esto ha sido cinco años y no existe. En Los Nobeerds tienen mucho dinero en sus cuenta bancario en Las Malvinas - es ilegal.

¿Y por qué no escucha a alguna música decente como el Inspiral Carpets?

AVOCET photos

Andrew doesnt have any photos because a / he has no camera and b / he didnt see an Avocet. Keith Bennett seen the Avocet yesterday evening, we believe him but he waited until it was dark and Andrew didnt show. Andrew is such a fibber, Avocet indeed.
Here are some Green Winged Orchids, much better than an Avocet, much better than nearly every bird we get in Northern Ireland!

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

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Another Letter From Derek

Hi Andrew,
You really are a joke - twitching an Avocet at the Quoile Pondage (present at 19.40 this evening at the yacht club end on the far shore with the horses where the waders hang out). You low-listing low-life.

You make me sick - you're just a shell of a man. People say you've got a beard but I've seen it and you couldn't hide any more than 20 HB pencils in it. That's not a beard that's a wispy chin.

I on the other hand have decided to move on from the public toilets in Swatra - the people were nice, when they weren't using me as a punch bag, but they just didn't seem like the revolutionary type to me. It is often thus that the true revolutionary is at first persecuted by the unwise and the wary. Be in no doubt Andrew I will soon gather enough forces effect the full purge of society that's required to enact the beginning of the utopian state that Northern Ireland deserves, with me, Colonel Dreek Wunderbar Seagull 2nd, as the one and true pontiff. You will learn to worship me and I will force you to grow a decent beard. The ill-gotten gains of the Nobirds Pyramid Bird Report Scheme will be distributed among the needy. The McGarry Brothers will be shamed into admitting all in show trials and soon after will become a mere myth equally feared and reviled by children at bedtime around the land. Mark my words well.

Anyway, I've got to go now - I thought I might set up in the public toilets on the Malone Road but I was told, in no uncertain terms, my type aren't welcome around here and a bloke in plus fours, wearing a monocle beat ten bells out of me with a lacrosse stick. You're a tube. Beardless tube at that. Wannabe beardy. Weirdy Un-beardy. The weirdness in the beard-less. Idiot. Scab. Hasta la revolucion! Viva la muerte de los nobirds!!!

ps what's with all this Radionibirding guff - why don't you play some decent music like the Black Delta Movement?

Andrew twitches Magpie

A Nobirds insider tells me that Andrew tried to twitch the Avocet this evening but dipped and instead seen a Magpie.He is happy enough to tick the Magpie as an Avocet, they are after all black and white.

A few nice birdie pics from Cyprus

Monday, 5 May 2014

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Another Letter from Andrew

Derk, Derk your a berk, All is great here in Nobirds Land. The only thing I've been ordered to do is ring Flapline before 9am every morning. I suggested a more modern updated system where we offer up to date news and don't charge people for listening to their own sightings but I was laughed out of town. Apparently they are proud of running the slowest most antiquated bird information service in Europe, go figure.
I went for the Green Winged Teal today but didn't see or hear your warbler at Killard. More tommorrow Berk

Sunday, 4 May 2014

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Sightings update

Andrew doesn't own a moth trap, he is absolutely full of Mad Dog Manyarky. I remember taking Andrew into the second hand bookshop in Annalong called "We Will go bust when they invent a Kindle" and lending him 7and6 to buy the British Handbook of British Moths. He started crying because he hated moths, hated decimalization and had run out of Old McGarry Cider his favourite Cider, Speaking of Mad Dog, Majella went round today to visit Johnny Adair but he wasn't home, true story.
So in a nutshell if Andrew doesn't produce a report this week he can forget about the second hand leather trousers I promised him, they used to belong to Larry, true story again.

radio nibirding 4th May

no sign of anybody round here - Derek must have left. you'd have thought he'd turned the light off

In Co. Londonderry:
A Quail was at Lough Beg

In fair, verdant and peaceful Co. Down:
The Spoonbill was at Castle Espie

A Glossy Ibis flew over Lough Cowey near Portaferry

I had my first Scalloped Hazel and Pebble Prominent of the year so I'm happy. At the same time it's like seeing a Dunnock and a Wren. If that floats your boat so be it - I'd rather have the moths any day.

Derek must have legged it - well, he's not going to want that packet of out of date cheese-strings at the back of the fridge then is he?

If he's not here he's not going to mind if I call him a fart-face either.

Friday, 2 May 2014

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radio nibirding

Letter From Derek

Dear Andrew,
Thank you for your kind letter. I'm getting on fine here in Swatra - the people are nice when they aren't punching me in the face. I do wish they would stop urinating all over my cardboard box house but I guess that's what happens when you camp inside a public toilet. Every now and then some very nice people stop and push rotten fruit through the grill for me to eat, sometimes the gloopy bits drop in between the keys on my keyboard and I get electric shocks when I type but I'm still fully committed to running this blog for eternity.
I've decided to change my name to Colonel Dreek Wunderbar Seagull 2nd and will be shortly organising a militia with which to attack you and the nefarious nobirds junta. Be in no doubt Andrew that, while it would please me to see you summarily shot without trial, I will see that you pay for your crimes against the birdwatching community by making your punishment last the rest of your pitiful life. As soon as I've finished the next chapter in the SAS Survival Handbook I'll be coming over to McGarry HQ to start dishing out chinese burns.
After that the slaughter begins and I intend to instigate an anarcho-syndicalist rarities committee with show trials commencing immediately. All who stand in the way of the new republic will be exterminated, those who run will be chased down, those who have spoke out against me will have to pay my phone and leccy bill, Barry McGarry will have to wipe my bum, Hairy Harry McGarry can be in charge of my haircut and Garry McGarry will be forced to do that funny thing he does all day long for my amusement. The only music that will be permissible in this pending utopia, for it will happen mark my words, are those rousing ditties from the exalted Hugo Duncan's back catalogue. The only food available for bourgeois scum like yourself will be Sunny Delight and stale gravel while I will  dine on sturgeon eyes and smoky bacon crisps. Do not say you have not been warned.

I've got to go now somebody's come into the cubicle beside me do a number one

Yours about-to-kill-you-ly

Colonel Dreek Wunderbar Seagull 2nd

Letter from Andrew

Dear Derk
Life with my old friends the Nobirds is great, you dont have to do anything! I certainly dont have to do any birding in Northern Ireland indeed the Hieararchy frown upon it. As for bird reports i can say in no uncertain terms its put your feet up time and get the cigars out on that one. All i have to do is put loads and load of common bird sightings and loads and load of common bird photos on to the most unexciting blog the world has ever seen.
We pass the time away talking about everyone behind their back in fact i have to sink the boot into you Derk and they do laugh a lot about the Pantymime Horse and his friendship with Reginald Bosenquet. They get on like a load of big ginny anne girls but thats the price i have to pay for getting back into the fold.
They have sent me on a course on how to suppress good bird sightings and i have learned Nobirds facts like Montagues Harriers nest on Saltmarsh, an absolute Classic!
On the downside I have to pretend that I don't like moths, flowers or any type of wildlife. They are also putting me under enormous pressure to get someone from outside Northern Ireland to join the records committee.
Every night we go to Castleward to hand feed the Nobirds Tawny Owl in fact the top geezer Larry McGarry has told me that isotope analysis from feathers collected prove the Owl was born in Isle of Man, honest guv.
My main job is to count the tenners every evening, I start at 6pm and when I go to bed at 1am I am still only half way through the stash.
Derk I would like to say it was fun but that would be a big lie, long live Nobirds.
Andy Pandy McGarry